Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize