Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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