I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
