Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize