Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
