for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
