Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
