I think i peed on brittanys purse
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize