1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need moral support for this bender
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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