If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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