the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
