Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
