remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
