Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
