I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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