He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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