Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
MIDGETS
????
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
