What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
