No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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