im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
