I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize