I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
