my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
