Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
