Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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