and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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