Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize