i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
