Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
