I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ok first of all what the fuck
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
