I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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