so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God I need to hump something, right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
