In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize