he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
