dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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