I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
