Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
