John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
