He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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