Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
