dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
