i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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