My sheets look like a crime scene.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
