I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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