just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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