next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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