i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
