Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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