Pappa wants mamma naked
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
