WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
