Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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