you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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