This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
