I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i barfeds in our rink
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
