Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
