Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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