I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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