I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
