Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
