I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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