We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
