I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
