official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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