twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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