Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it hurts more in the daytime
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
