Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
